29-year-old partner of 8 years suddenly goes vegan, trashes non-vegans online, his boyfriend finds out and is shocked because he's not a vegan and they have 2 cats that eat meat: “Is this really how you see me?”

Author image for Mariel Ruvinsky
Mariel Ruvinsky • Writer and Editor
Jul 29, 2025 10:00 AM EDT

Being vegan is great for some people. We acknowledge that. We respect that. Going vegan for cats… is not an option. Cats eat meat. That is what they eat in the wild and what they are supposed to eat at home. And sure, some house cats have an affinity for some strange foods. Like cats who like eating bread or cats who like eating cucumbers. There is always the exception. But even for those cats, bread and cucumbers do not replace meat, just add to them. 

So, on the one hand, we don't care that this man went vegan. We even don't care that he trashed non-vegans online. People do all kinds of things for attention. What we do care about is the secrecy, the changes in behavior with his partner of eight years, the implication that suddenly their values are not compatible, when, in reality, it was him who changed. And, of course, the thought that this man might consider feeding vegan things to the cats. 

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  • 01

    "My partner (M29) suddenly went vegan and I (M29) just found two recent militant posts of him about non-vegans that really shook me."

    "I'm starting to wonder if we're only staying together because of the cats"
    via Unsplash / Manuel Torres Garcia - matoga

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 02
    My partner and I have been together for 8 years. At the beginning of this year, he suddenly decided to go fully vegan. It came out of nowhere. I respected his decision and tried to be supportive, even though it drastically changed our shared routines, especially cooking, which we used to enjoy together. Now we barely share meals.
    via Drunken_Dentist
  • 03
    Recently, I stumbled upon two Reddit posts he wrote a while ago (I try to find an recent post of him and saw those newer ones).
    via Drunken_Dentist
  • 04
    1. He said he has no respect for people who aren't vegan; to him, their moral decision-making is comparable to that of fascists or far-right voters.
    via Drunken_Dentist
  • 05
    2. If he were back on the dating market, he would never consider dating a vegetarian or omnivore again. The cognitive dissonance and fundamentally different values would be a huge problem for him.
    via Drunken_Dentist
  • 06
    This hit me like a brick. I'm not vegan. We have two cats that eat meat lol. He never said these things directly to me, but now I'm wondering how he really sees me - and whether he even respects me.
    via Drunken_Dentist
  • 07
    Also, a few months ago he went through an au sm diagnosis process over 6 months and didn't tell me until it was over. He just handed me the (positive) report. That also created distance and loss of trust I didn't know how to bridge.
    via Drunken_Dentist
  • 08
    At this point, I feel like the emotional connection is barely there anymore. The "us" has become quiet and small. I'm starting to wonder if we're only staying together because of the cats.
    via Drunken_Dentist
  • 09
    I don't know what to say to him. Part of me wants to just show him the Reddit posts and ask, "Is this really how you see me?" Has anyone been through something similar? Like, a partner taking a moral stance that feels like it excludes you?
    via Drunken_Dentist
  • 10
    GO VEGAN
    via Unsplash / Claudio Schwarz

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • The thought of the two of you staying together only for your cats breaks our hearts. It should not be like that. Adopting a cat together, being together long enough and being sure of each other enough to do something like that together, and then still thinking about breaking up. We feel bad for you and for the cats. 

  • 11
    madjackhavok • 1d ago He's made two posts basically talking sh about you. Like sweetheart... Take the cats and go... No one likes a militant anything, especially ones with a superiority complex that they're pointing your way.
    via madjackhavok
  • 12
    Trishshirt5678 • 23h ago I've been vegetarian for all my adult life and the only point I disagree on is that he and his cats should stay put and lob him out! I'd also bet cash that in a couple of years he'll be posting about how vegans are too militant and how no- one can survive on a plant-based diet while chowing down on a bacon sandwich. People like him, it's all about the self-publicity.
    via Trishshirt5678
  • 13
    Cheezburger Image 10534944512
    via Unsplash / Helena Lopes

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 14
    twinsisterjoyce • 23h ago Yep. My ex husband did something similar, not as drastic but similar. He converted to paganism and excluded me in every step. He also has au sm. He excluded me from this 'journey' while resenting me for not 'growing along with him' and complaining about that to people who 'understood' (mainly other women in the pagan community that is). That, amongst a lot of other , lead to me initiating divorce.
    via twinsisterjoyce
  • 15
    Simura 1d ago I'm really sorry to hear that you are in this situation. Yes, I think the best way is to show the posts and ask. Tell him how much it hurts you. This kind of veganism is just as bad as being in a cult, I hope he can somehow get out of it, but it is possible that it will be the end of your relationship.
    via Simura
  • 16
    Cheezburger Image 10534944000
    via Unsplash / Summer Rune

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • We don't think this is cause for breaking up. Not yet at least. We think this is something that should be talked about openly. Face him, ask him, figure out if he really thinks less of you now, and if he's thinking less of the cats as well… then act. 

  • 17
    Angel-4077 • 22h ago He just enjoys feeling special/superior. Dump and move on.
    via Angel-4077
  • 18
    colesense ⚫ 16h ago He's pretty much talking sh_about you online and talking about dating other people! I definitely think it's a good idea to reevaluate your current relationship with him.
    via colesense
  • 19
    Cheezburger Image 10534944768
    via Unsplash / Anna Pelzer - annapelzer

    The image does not depict the actual subjects of the story. Subjects are models.

  • 20
    Acrobatic Traffic7410 • 13h ago I'd be more concerned that he's making all these discoveries and decisions without including you. Your relationship sounds exhausting. Maybe suggest individual and couples therapy
    via AcrobaticTraffic7410

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